the Yelp

"church ticks off man (boston, ma)"

Sun, 20 May 2012 11:46:01 -0400

“church ticks off man (boston, ma)”

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Trinity Church

Category: Churches
Neighborhood: Back Bay

★ 11/19/2010

I’m a pretty average mainstream Episcopalian and I go to church about ten times a year or so for my own benefit. However, I absolutely hate this church. Yes, I said it: I hate Boston’s famed Trinity Church.

Maybe it’s the gift shop that you have to enter through when you first arrive in the church that ticks me off. It could be the fact that you have to pay a five dollar fee to walk around a building that is supposed to be available for the helpless and poor. However, the real problem with this church is that it seems to suffer from an identity crisis - the people running this place seem to have forgotten that they run a house of worship and not a museum.

"snackaholic knocks furiously on wood (manhattan, ny)"

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:21:07 -0400

“snackaholic knocks furiously on wood (manhattan, ny)”

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Regal Union Square Stadium 14

Category: Cinema
Neighborhoods: Greenwich Village, Union Square, East Village

★★★ 3/29/2012

What I really want to do is write a review for my office’s vending machine. Since that’s not an option I’m going with the obvious next choice, the movie theater down the street. Much like the vending machine, I can be spotted here frequently, perhaps too frequently.

If you have been to any regular movie theater in the continental US, you have been to this theater. Regal 14 features typical movies (you aren’t going to catch the newest indie here) with your typical over-priced concessions (as always, I recommend buying from a nearby Duane Reade and sneaking it in), typical lines during peak hours (especially for the newest/hottest releases), typical screens (non Imax), typical girl asking you if you would prefer a large drink for only $0.25 more, typical everything (everything, everything, everything).

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a bad movie theater. I have never once (KNOCKS FURIOUSLY ON WOOD) seen a bug here, thankfreakinggod. Also, I generally have never had a problem finding a seat or seeing the screen, no matter how crowded the theater may be. And I have never gotten food poisoning from the Twizzlers. Still, it’s just your basic theater. I usually head over to the Angelica or Landmark or Ziegfield if I’m trying to experience more in life…. or if I just want better concessions.

"married man celebrates twink’s belated birthday (Manhattan, ny)"

Sat, 12 May 2012 15:20:06 -0400

“married man celebrates twink’s belated birthday (Manhattan, ny)”

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Danal - CLOSED

Categories: French, Breakfast & Brunch
Neighborhoods: Greenwich Village, Union Square

★★★★ Update - 11/11/2011

Sadly, Danal has closed.

Listed in: Romantic Spots in the City

1 Previous Review: Hide »

★★★★
11/20/2009
Birthday dinners are always a great opportunity to try a new restaurant, or in the case, try more than just the appetizers tasted from the previous excursion. This occasion was actually a belated b-day dinner and my “friend-male companion” with whom, in the spirit of government transparency, I AM HAVING THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. And isn’t it sweet that he took me to dinner? Oh how married men adore me!

So I chose Danal, because the first time around, I loved the cozy, rustic feel of the place even though the upstairs seating area has a very high ceiling. Plus and as stated before, didn’t really get to try much of the menu so since I got choice of where to eat, I chose Danal. This time we were seated in the downstairs area (even more cozy!), which was actually a bit more romantic (though romance was definitely not the point of the evening). By cozy, I also mean that the tables were close enough so that our neighbors’ conversations could be easily followed and their food easily stolen from beneath their chins if we so desired. It also explained their amused faces when my date and I started talking about non-monogamy. My lover (he’s kind of my lover though, no?) and I got a half-dozen fresh oysters. They were very fresh (and lemony) with the exception of one, which the kitchen gladly replaced and in fact, gave two. The waitress filled our water glasses with this ceramic picture of a rooster head where the water came out of the beak. LOVED THAT! My dinner mate is straight edge so I didn’t even bother looking at the wine list (sorry about that), but the dinner menu is geared toward a classic French palette, but you’ll still find Moroccan Chicken with olives, prunes and preserved lemons, as well as a Pumpkin ravioli dish with gorgonzola, brown butter, sage and pine nuts. I had a perfected executed Salmon en Papillote with a julienne of zucchini and carrots, lemon, herbs and butter. The salmon had perfect texture, not overcooked. Simple and delicious. My companion had the Seared Duck Breast with cherry sauce, roasted acorn squash and wild rice with dried cranberries. He said it was very good and it did smell fantastic, despite my general dislike for the smell of cooked meats.

"amish gay looks for dignity (Manhattan, ny)"

Sat, 12 May 2012 15:02:00 -0400

“amish gay looks for dignity (Manhattan, ny)”

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Gerry’s - CLOSED

Categories: Men’s Clothing, Women’s Clothing
Neighborhoods: Chelsea, Meatpacking District

★★★★Update - 11/21/2009

GERRY’S IS NOW CLOSED. Boo.

1 Previous Review: Hide »

★★★★
6/28/2008
To me, there are only two legitimate ways to deal with a heart in crisis:

1) compulsively collecting exotic sexual conquests like an Amish gay, gay Christian Scientist, gay neo-Nazi, etc.
2) retail therapy.

Oh wait, there is a third:

3) a long, drawn out, creatively productive bout (read: era) of self-loathing

And let’s be honest, don’t new clothes give you more overall pleasure in the long run? So to medicate myself, I like to spend money on good looking shit that I shouldn’t be buying and the men’s side Gerry’s is one of those places I like to go to to spend my earnings.

The last two purchases there have been these rockin’ shirts by Scotch & Soda, both running around $90 a piece, but perfect for my lean Asiatic bod The place also carries Hugo Boss, John Varvatos for Converse, Juicy Couture, Original Penguin, and an array of other brands, including higher end denim like Seven For All Mankind, True Religion, etc.). I particularly like the staff who aren’t too pushy but are attentive.

And the store is very clean, very minimal., very ideal if you work there because closing would be a breeze. They don’t really sell anything but some sneakers, shirts, ti-shirts, shorts, jeans, and a few accessories, but their selection is pretty on point.

Gerry’s is always worth wandering into to sniff around. Just don’t be expecting to find your “dignity”, “parent’s approval” or straight men there.

"AMBITIOUS DOG sentenced to death (BROOKLYN, NY)"

Tue, 08 May 2012 15:15:00 -0400

“AMBITIOUS DOG sentenced to death (BROOKLYN, NY)”

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Maria Hernandez Park

Category: Parks
Neighborhood: Bushwick

★★★5/8/2012

OVERHEARD AT MARIA HERNANDEZ PARK:

(Woman on phone) “Hi im calling because my friend’s dog just swallowed a rat”

nuff said!

"fishy odor dissipates eventually (boston, ma)"

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:54:00 -0400

“fishy odor dissipates eventually (boston, ma)”

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Gaslight Brasserie Du Coin

Category: French
Neighborhood: South End

★★ 2/14/2010

I wish I could rate Gaslight fairly, but that would require 2 ranking systems, one a scale of taste & atmosphere, and the other a scale of death. For taste, they get 5 stars. For the death rating, they get 1 star. Together, that makes 2, and I think it’s pretty generous. My boyfriend and I had a lovely pre-Valentine’s day meal there last night, Saturday the 13th, and as I am writing this review, he still has not stopped throwing up ( I wish I was kidding!) He’s had diarrhea and been vomiting for the last 18 hours out of those 24, so I will probably be taking him to the hospital soon. On the other hand, our meal was absolutely delicious. The chocolate mousse was out of this world, as was his fillet mignon. Luckily, I only had a bite or two of his filet mignon … and apparently my pieces were cooked through, because while my stomach grumbled and was kind of hurting and unhappy, I am still writing this review while he is in pain in bed or praying to the porcelain god. I could not imagine that Gaslight would serve something like this. Although I DO recall a VERY strong fish odor last night in the restaurant (we were sitting in a booth by the kitchen) - luckily that went away after about 5-10 minutes or so.

"WOMAN HOPES WILL IS DOING WELL IN REHAB (CAMBRIDGE, MA)"

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:39:44 -0400

“WOMAN HOPES WILL IS DOING WELL IN REHAB (CAMBRIDGE, MA)”

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Judy Jetson

Categories: Hair Salons, Skin Care
Neighborhood: Porter Square

★ 4/26/2012

I guess I would have given 5 stars if I had walked in and said “Could you please give me a mullet capped with a muffin top?”

But I didn’t, so I won’t. I look like I’m wearing a mushroom cap, and that sh&t is going to take a while to grow out. So Will did drugs in the bathroom, that doesn’t mean you guys should have fired the only talent ever to have worked here.

"a shotgun wedding for woman and froyo (CHICAGO, IL)"

Sun, 06 May 2012 12:07:00 -0400

“a shotgun wedding for woman and froyo (CHICAGO, IL)”

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ZBerry

Category: Ice Cream & Frozen Yogurt
Neighborhood: Hyde Park

★★★★★ 1/31/2012

1 Check-in Here

You know I love the froyo when within two scoops of it I am simultaneously asking it to marry me and telling it not to speak.

"sweaty girl loves her guy friends (MANHATTAN, NY)"

Sat, 05 May 2012 20:30:45 -0400

“sweaty girl loves her guy friends (MANHATTAN, NY)”

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Chrystie 141

Categories: Dance Clubs, Karaoke, Lounges
Neighborhood: Lower East Side

★★★★ 9/28/2011

1 Check-in Here

Stumbled in to Mystique on a whim after a grueling flag football practice*. Dressed in tights, soccer shorts, sneakers, and a sweaty tee (as were my friends) I was pretty certain they were going to deny us entry at the door despite the fact that the place looked pretty quiet late on a Monday night. To my surprise the bartender welcomed us in and let me know that Monday night the special was $3 for any draft. Um, winner! Captain Lawrence on tap? CHAMPION.

After we grabbed our beers we headed down to the dance floor and watched the regulars doing salsa. I’m not much for dancing, so I just convinced my teammates to mack it to the single ladies… one got a dance, the other it was a swing and a miss**. Eek!

I wandered around after using the bathroom*** and found a second floor. Heard some ridiculousness coming from behind one of the doors so I decided to pop my head in and sure enough there was a group of people doing karaoke. By far the strangest bar I have ever been to - and I’ve been to some pretty strange bars****.

Needless to say I’m looking forward to coming back on a Monday night with some of my lady friends. I know they like to dance and I have a feeling that place is right up their alley. The fact that there’s always the option to do karaoke and the selection of beers on tap is AWESOME for a “lounge” makes it an ideal spot for me to make an absolute fool of myself.

I’ll be back.

———-

* Yes, some people do practice flag football.
** The chick who shot my friend down was a jerk. She didn’t even look him in the eye when she told him no. Rude.
*** One bathroom. One toilet. I don’t know how this works when the place is jumping and I kind of don’t want to know.
**** Strangest bar = some goth bar in Dallas, Texas. That was the scariest experience of my life. There were whips…and chains…and all I know was that I was wearing a white tee shirt that said, “Hug Me I’m A Canadian!”

"sensitive biker gets honked at (brooklyn, ny)"

Sat, 05 May 2012 13:18:20 -0400

“sensitive biker gets honked at (brooklyn, ny)”

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Tarzian Hardware

Categories: Nurseries & Gardening, Hardware Stores
Neighborhood: Park Slope

★★ 6/29/2011

Their van honked right up behind me while I was riding my bike in the Slope (minding my side of the road, even!). Which is not cool. Car horns are for cars. Not biker ears.

And I know some jerks are probably going to try to flag this because it’s not enough about the store…but I say it IS about a Yelpable aspect of this business.

Anyway, I’ve been through this store a coupla times too, and it’s pretty meh. So I stand by my rating.

"Mac n cheese enthusiast enjoys the mac n cheese variety of mac n cheese (manhattan, ny)"

Sat, 05 May 2012 13:12:45 -0400

“Mac n cheese enthusiast enjoys the mac n cheese variety of mac n cheese (manhattan, ny)”

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S’MAC

Categories: American (Traditional), Gluten-Free
Neighborhood: East Village

★★★ 5/4/2012 1 Check-in Here

I came here because I was super excited about mac n cheese and getting the mac n cheese platter. I think this place is worth coming to because the varieties of mac n cheese in the platter is super cool, but the quality of their mac n cheese is just okay. And the restaurant is really small and is self-seated, so it’s not the best place to go for a dining experience.

Nonetheless, I would go once just to try all the different kinds of mac n cheese. It’s worth it for that!

"large assed man shunned for splitting pants occasionally (BROOKLYN, NY)"

Sat, 05 May 2012 12:57:00 -0400

“large assed man shunned for splitting pants occasionally (BROOKLYN, NY)”

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Brooklyn

Category: Public Services & Government
Neighborhood: Williamsburg - North Side

★★★ 6/22/2010

The only reason I will give brooklyn 5 stars ? Dining in williamsburg, brooklyn height, park slope…

Here are the three star reasons.

1. If my jean isn’t TIGHT, I am not hip enough to be or live this borough ? Pah lizz !

2. I shower two times a day. I don’t belong here :)

3. My hair might be long/shaved head. I do smell good.

4. My ass is def. disqualified to b considered a hipster. Just too JLo big. Hippy? possibly and occasionally.

5. I pay extra money to get T shirt that long enuff cover up my belly button and jean to be comfortable when sit down or stand up. Tight pant sure split sometime….not cool.

I do not have anything against hippy or hipsters as I have a few friends dressing n acting like one.. Thank god, they smell (sniff sniff).. .kinda nice.

6. Outside of 3 areas I mentioned above, Brooklyn does smell like cat pee, no shit!

Graffiti is the reason of three star. Yet again, it’s an art of rotten society. I wanna move all these trying very hard hipsters to Upper East/West. Those area are too pretentious n need some color! I guess this what make Brooklyn a little more interesting place to live than dodging bullet in Bronx everyday n night.

Look man, I love hipsters, ok. Just my ass is too big for that tight pants.

"TRUMP TOWER OVERRUN WITH WEBS OF DECEIT (MANHATTAN, NY)"

Thu, 03 May 2012 19:12:00 -0400

“TRUMP TOWER OVERRUN WITH WEBS OF DECEIT (MANHATTAN, NY)”

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Trump Tower

Neighborhoods: Midtown West, Midtown East

★★★ 4/24/2012

Funny, I live in New York and didn’t know it was a tourist attraction.
A boring one if you ask me at least as it compares to real tourist attractions.
I don’t watch the show but apparently it is filmed here. http://en.wikipedia.or…
In between jobs I used to baby sit at hotels it involves a huge background check , psychological check, drug testing, references, criminal check, credit check , you practically have to be Mother Teresa to baby sit at the hotels.
I understand the scrutiny because people are placing their trust in the hands of a stranger. But it can be just as scary meeting and baby sitting for wealthy strangers who may just be looking to use you as a scape goat in their web of deceit and evil who have the money and resources to bury you. And their is no background check done on the parents. All I can say about the people I met here is money doesn’t buy integrity, honesty, safety, inner strength, decency, sanity or character.

"long winded nerd goes to pie’s n thighs very early (BROOKLYN, NY)"

Thu, 03 May 2012 18:43:00 -0400

“long winded nerd goes to pie’s n thighs very early (BROOKLYN, NY)”

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Pies ’N’ Thighs

Categories: Southern, Barbeque
Neighborhood: Williamsburg - South Side

★★★★★ 4/14/2012

16 photos

1 Check-in Here

Another lovely morning in Brooklyn, another early run around Bushwick, and plans to enter Manhattan on foot via the Williamsburg Bridge would lead me to breakfast at Pies-n-Thighs, a hipster hangout that had been on my agenda during two previous trips to New York but a spot I’d not yet made it to largely due to its location. This time without any excuses and bolstered by good word of mouth from some mouths that I trust I arrived at the small shop before they had even raised the metal awnings but with people hustling in and out the backdoor you could certainly tell that there was action inside even before the doors opened at 9:00am.

With the metal raised and the doors unlocked as I wandered the surrounding environs I made my way into Pies n’ Thighs as the first customer of the day and with the new Sleigh Bells playing on the overhead satellite radio I was asked if I was dining in or getting something to go and stating “Probably a little of both” I was given my choice of any seat in the house - all 18 of them - and using my placemat as a menu after checking out the fresh daily selections at the counter my order was placed within minutes and both my water glass and coffee mug were filled - the later with a locally roasted Ethiopian Yirgacheffe whose flavor and quality far outweighed the $1.50 asking price considering I had no less than three refills.

Having heard good things about both the proteins and the carbs at Pies n’ Thighs it would not be long before more order began to arrive, the first a Pecan Crunch Donut that ranks amongst my top five all time combining a nearly cake-like crumb with a surprisingly yeast-like raise into something that I could best describe as a buttercake like texture beneath a slick molasses glaze and bits of crumbled pecans. Like pecan pie in a donut form this was divine and never one to skimp on the sweets it led to the order of a second donut, presumably for *later*, to see if it was equally as good - it was a filled Sour Cherry Donut and considering the fact that it arrived to my table still warm on a plate I ate it immediately feeling a slight tinge of disappointment that there was not a lot of filling but impressed by the crisp glaze and golden shell overlying the buttery cakelike interior.

Moving on to my savory of the morning, I simply could not pass up their much praised “Chicken Biscuit” and when the hot cutlet doused in slightly salted butter and hot sauce arrived I instantly understood the hype - a lovely balance of fluffy sweet biscuit and crispy spicy chicken topped with a simple yet satisfying buffalo sauce…sure it doesn’t go with coffee and I may have been better off with the chicken and waffles, but honestly at $6 this might be one of the most delicious values in all of New York and I’d have been a fool to pass it up.

At this point decently satiated with lunch and dinner plans ahead but not wanting to miss out on their other namesake item, I ordered a slice of Apple Pie with Grafton Cheddar and Whipped Cream to go and with the modest bill paid I sat listening to At The Drive-In while finishing one last cup of coffee and asked if I’d like a cup to go (which I gladly accepted) I thanked the team and made my way to the street stopping a few hours later to enjoy the pie which although quite delicious with a flaky butter crust and plenty of apples and cinnamon was unfortunately now cooled preventing the sharp cheddar (separately packed) from melting and leading to a somewhat uneven experience - one I’ll have to remedy on a future trip because I’m pretty sure it would have been as excellent as everything else had I eaten it fresh at the restaurant.

★★★★ -- A dog park PT. 2 (BROOKLYN, NY)

Wed, 02 May 2012 01:48:00 -0400

I love animals and luckily my girlfriend has a dog. Sometimes we’ll take him here so he can run around.

He’s a 7-pound yorkie, but he prefers the big dog area. The area for smaller dogs is usually pretty empty and not as poppin’ as the big area.

I just like being able to see all the different dogs and like petting them. My girlfriend thinks I’m like a little kid at the dog park, trying to pet all the dogs.

★★★ ---- A dog park PT. 1 (BROOKLYN, NY)

Wed, 02 May 2012 01:46:00 -0400

A great place to take your dog. But not always, only when the right dog owners are there.

I have a large 80 pound puppy who’s pretty submissive. We have her trained well, she comes when she’s called, and leaves it when we say so. She loves to run around and play when given the chance but is easily bullied by other dogs. There are a couple of dog owners here who are completely retarded, young college hipster kids who have never owned a dog in their life who have no idea what they’re freakin’ doing. They have no control over their animals whatsoever.

My dog has been bit here, one time she was lying by me, chilling out after running around, and another dog came over tackled her and bit her right on the cheek for no reason at all, and this dog was doing this the whole time. I picked my dog up and left at this point as he was still getting attacked and was trying to run and hide, and the owner didn’t even call his dog off and only said sorry after another woman told him off about his crazy ass dog and it was a half ass apology at best.

Seriously people, get your rescue dogs into socialization classes or training classes first before you decide to randomly bring them to the dog park. You’re not doing you or your dog a favor by bringing them into the dog park unprepared.

★★★★ ---- Hipster pizza (BROOKLYN, NY)

Wed, 02 May 2012 01:41:00 -0400

fat Peter rating system.

as follows:
STARS- standard yelp
CHANCE I WILL BE BACK- YES
Why I went- somehow I was there

Good pizza. Good skirt steak sandwich. 2 people 30 bucks not cheap but quality ingredient . I don’t know what it was about but it was good.

Its kinda like that girl you had sex with and it was great but you don’t know why. I walked out that place scratching my head. But I was happy with it.

they had this, organic romaine lettuce hearts drizzle with olive oil on side of sandwich that was great!!

Another thing is this one appetizer on menu. 5 dollars for “bread and butter”. I KID YOU NOT!! they make their own bread so…….

but I didn’t order it cause last time I ate with god, bread and butter was free.

★★★ -- THE M TRAIN (NYC Subway Line)

Tue, 01 May 2012 00:26:00 -0400

There’s so many color changes to my MTA map! Why are you orange now? Are you Dutch? Why are the parks now colored light brown? I thought we were going green Barack!

Gahhh, I used to know this train inside and out going into Queens and back to Brooklyn again, but now - I feel like I don’t even know you!

Tell me, why you have to go and make thing so complicated? I see the way you act now around everyone else and you get me frustrated ::evil squint:: You enjoy being the new you. Mmm mmmm massive manic mess.

★ -- A GREEN CLEANING SERVICE (Manhattan, NY)

Tue, 01 May 2012 00:16:17 -0400

Yikes! I am so glad I am not alone in my very bad experience with this cleaning service. I thought I’d be environmentally conscious by booking with these guys and I have to say boy, is there egg on my face!! They showed up an hour late and after calling them, they apologize profusely but could not tell me when their person would show up. When he finally did show up, he did a horrible job AND did not bring any green products! In fact, he used MY products and used the wrong ones! He used Febreze to clean the floor and mopped with a swiffer (a dusting swiffer!!!!). Needless to say, I was slipping and sliding on my floor for about a week and since he did not get all the dust, I was sneezing the entire time!! I will admit the place smelled clean due to the excessive Frebreze use but that’s beside the point. The cherry on top? The cleaner insulted my cat!

★★★★ -- A SALAD JOINT (BROOKLYN NY)

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 20:36:00 -0400

Dear chorizo taco salad,

I have been thinking about you all week. Mmmm, your leafy greens burning their way through my body fat like Drano slicing through a sludgy pipe. You are going to free me from these deliciously porky chains of morbid obesity! What’s that? add some creamy luscious cheese? I add the cheese, but you feel so naked, still. So I dress you with the creamy chopotle cheddar dressing. Light, NO! Medium,……. NO! HEAVY! UUNNNGHHH!!! can you feel that? *chickaBOWbannhhwow!* You dirty little salad. Shhh… I don’t think you’re done with me, you little tramp. You force me to add those crunchy little morsels of toasted corn chips.

Buffalo Chicken Salad,

You took care of me when I was bluer than the blue cheese that runs through your sexy, mixed, leafy leafs. A little nibble on your buffalo-y nubs, rubs me just right. Some veggies here and there to keep me healthy. You practically jump into my mouth with little to no effort. I’ll eat the shit out of you. Anytime, anywhere my little BCS.

4 sexy stars! Be promiscuous, and try ‘em all. They won’t give you diarrhea!!